When

When the fire has purged
When the coals have refined
When the waters have cleansed
I hope that I find
There's a part of me left:
The part of me that is all of You
And I'm living to do what You want me to

(*thia L


Lord, I don't know what I'm doing... or where I'm going, but I pray whatever I do or wherever I go, You will be my focus, my strength, my song, my evening star. May I follow You wherever You lead and honor You in everything I do. (*ynthia

Wandering paths

Once we walked side by side,

Or once I thought we did.

Then, who can say why-

Perhaps was pride,

Of which I'd glady rid-

We grew apart, though not at heart.

But who can say for sure?

Who will admit to never forgetting?

No, let our past be a blur.

If you will not say it,

Then I will not say it.

And we will forever wonder.

Did I truly know you as a child?

When life seemed innocent and wild?

I cannot say my memories endur.

Do yours? Perhaps they do.

But if you will not say it,

Then I will not say it.

And I will forever wonder,

If the love I saw was true;

The love in those eyes so blue.

What is the love of a child?

When one is innocent and wild?

Is it real? Is it something you can still feel?

I cannot say I've tried.

To say I have is to say I remember.

Oh how I hate this pride.

I once thought of you as my brother,

Or, I think atleast I tried.

Did you ever think of me as your sister?

Ever wish I'd never left your side?

We're still friends,

Old acquaintances.

Our paths cross again and again;

Some times I wonder why.

All our faults,

All our differences,

Make the soul in me sigh.

And I stare into your eyes

The color of the seas

Could you, for once, be honest?

To yourself, to me, please?

So tell me now before you go...

If you were to look into my eyes,

The windows to my soul,

Beyond the pretense and all the lies,

What do you behold?

Is there a light, like a flash across the sky,

When we watched the dance of lightning, just you and I?

And the thought that I no longer knew you

Or, perhaps, never had, made me cry.

Do you see the narrow staircase?

Or do you see the starry sky?

We would watch it through the window;

That window seemed a mile high.

Do you think "friends are friends forever"

Everytime we say goodbye?

Probably not. Neither do I.

The one thing I remember

Is my prayers for you.

I was so very constant;

It was all that I could do.

I would stand, up on the rooftop,

See the stars, and think of you.

You showed me I could always do what I set my mind to.

And when I'd say "I can't," you always said I could.

You always saw the best, and for that I meant to thank you.

But I never thought I'd see you again.

You could never stay long where you've already been.

You always did like a new beginning,

Or, walking in circles, like the hands on Big Ben.

So, while the earth keeps on spinning,

And the sun keeps on setting,

Maybe I'll still see you, now and again.

For our wandering paths seem to cross without end.

And you never know what's around the next bend.

(*thia L.

Reflections

I found this today... It was if I wrote it all over again. It's amazing how much we relive pieces of our lives.

I Trust You

You took my sins and bore them all, I trust you
You guide my steps and break my fall, I trust you
I've been let down
I've broke my crown
I've torn my heart, my soul apart
But you give to me a brand new start
I trust you
Through fire you've put me, through pain and heartache
Why do I cry for another's sake?
My heart beats within me with a beat of another
You've given me the grace to feel for my brother
I understand not why
I cry and I cry
'Why this burden?' I might question.
But I don't,
No I won't, 'cause I trust you.

You'd think I'd be used to new beginnings by now. Infact, I seem to never get far before I'm starting all over again. Sometimes I wonder if it's not my own doing. Do I make this happen? Take ever opportunity to start over? Am I afraid to settle in, to stick-with-it? I don't think so... but I say I am. I know words carry so much power, and yet I am constantly saying things like, I don't commit, I'm not a loyal person, I'm confused, I don't know myself, and I can't make decisions. But it's not true. None of it. I don't know why I'd like people to think of me as unattached, indifferent... and perhaps superior/ above-it-all (controlled and logical), going wherever the wind blows me with not a care in the world. The truth is, I don't forget a single soul I meet, I commit but say I don't so no one will know if I fail, I know exactly what I want but argue so much with myself that I can only say 'I'm confused' to the world, and I make decisions but they all amount to nothing. Nothing, because I tell myself they probably will; I can't make decisions, remember? And there's no one but God to tell me otherwise. And He has been. All my life, I've felt Him guiding me through all the pain and heartache, just to show me I can't escape what He made me; I'm a determined creature, too passionate for my own good, too loyal to let go when even I think I ought to, and not at all as pessimistic as I think I am (though, it is so much easier to believe the best for others than for myself). I go into something completely aware of the probability of failure and disappointment and rejection, infact I tell myself I expect it. I'm not hoping for anything, really, but it's all I know. To keep reaching for hope, keep loving, keep giving... I just keep thinking I'll run out of hope and things to give. But I don't, because the river is an endless source. In Christ, we have a constant well of understanding, forgiveness, love, and compassion to draw from. Why don't our friendships or other relationships (family, marriage, etc) last then? Do we at some point just decide to stop giving? Or perhaps we find ourselves being pulled apart, and to give, over so wide a chasm, proves almost impossible. You could always build a bridge... a bridge over troubled water. As my sister would say, "Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it." We think once we've grown apart we can no longer grow together. A bridge can be built just as the foundation of the relationship should be, with time, prayer, constancy, and communication. Sounds like a lot of work, but it's worth it, isn't it, if it's going to last you an eternity? I keep telling myself it is, but then I find myself the only one making that time and being constant, like the morning star... constant and alone on the horizon. And I'm tired. I'm not about to give up though, no matter how many times I have to start over. (*thia

To you, dear reader

I've decided to begin a new blog, more for myself than anything. I don't expect many people to actually read or comment, but I've tired of being so limited in my updates on facebook, xanga, etc. So this site will be mostly for my poetry, thoughts, and random life-stories (you know, the ones that are very interesting to the writer but probably no one else ;-) ). Right. Now I just have to go through all my poetry and start posting some, piece by piece. This should be... interesting. (*the moon