My name

So, a while back I entered my name "Cynthia" into this website I'm about to quote, and got descriptions of how I, a Cynthia, am, or should be. Not one piece of the info fit me, except maybe the very beginning that said I had an urge to be creative, independent, and self-reliant, or something like that. I do sometimes forget I am not "an island" and shouldn't keep trying to be one. I love that Simon and Garfunkel song... "I am a rock, I am an island... and a rock feels no pain... and an island never cries." I think I can be that safe haven, that solid rock for others, and yet remain untouched. And as much as I sometimes wish it was true, I know it can't be. Alright, none of that has to do with what I'm about to "quote." Here is the summary of me as "Thia" and it seems to fit me much better than my "Cynthia" synopsis, but if you're reading this, I'll let you be the judge.

Your First Name of: Thia
Your full name creates the overall conditions in your life. It is a very important factor. Click here for a description of your first and last names combined.
While the name Thia creates the urge to be creative and original, we point out that it causes procrastination, lack of confidence, and the inability to realize your goals and ambitions.
This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, and tension or accidents to the head.
Your name of Thia gives you the ability to be creative along practical lines of endeavour.
Your ideas can be very original and inventive.
You enjoy being with people in a social environment.
Your personal appearance is important to you, for you desire to make a good impression on others.
Your pleasant manner attracts people to you with their problems and you are capable of offering practical advice, though you may not follow such advice yourself.
This name causes you to be somewhat too concerned with the personalities, problems, and activities of other people.

Never Letting Go

4:00am

My heart feels dead, Lord
Dead without a beat
Make it beat for you Lord
I lay it at your feet

I cannot find the rhythm
I had so long ago
I was so close to you God
I should never have let go

You are the very air I breathe
And I'm gasping without you
I'm sinking under fast Lord
And I don't know what to do

The waves are just too strong
And I'm being pulled beneath
I cannot see the sun
I'm too far underneath

So I'm reaching up my hand
Hoping that you'll meet me here
I can't see you through this storm
But I know that you are near

And I know you calmed the seas
With just the power of your voice
So I'm waiting on my knees
Lord, I have made my choice

I'm not doing this alone
I know you hear my cries
I don't deserve your help
But I'm done with all the lies

Where else can I go?
What else can I do?
Now I see what I knew all along
I don't need anyone but you

I can't do this on my own
And as I take my last breath
I feel Your hand reach down
You save me from this death

You save me from this life
The distractions and deceit
Now I hold Your hand and heart
I remember I'm complete

I'm not ever letting go
When things seem less than black and white
I'll remember You've made me whiter than snow
From as black as the night to the brightest of light
And you care for me more than I could ever know


I wrote this several days ago, and had no idea why... Because only small pieces were from me; I felt as if I was writing it for someone else.
God... I know a lot of people are going through the storms of life and just grasping for a life-line... feeling around for anything to pull them above the waves, or anything to give them a sense of direction. Every thing's so much clearer above the storm. And for once I'm not afraid to be with You, walking on the water... or whatever other crazy things you call me to do. But I don't wanna be the only one, so Lord, help us help You pull people up from beneath the waves. (*ynthia L

Time: wasted in waiting...

"En ce moment ou jamais" / "Now or Never"

Ever feel as if the person you just met
Is a little piece of your divided soul?
Do you wish for the chance to kindle romance
And perhaps someday be made whole?
Do you believe in love at first glance?
You can tell yourself to smile and forget;
Tell yourself, perhaps, that you never met.
But the secret kept will take its toll.
And if you care not for yourself, as it is for me,
Atleast realize the importance of your roll.

Perhaps you were not born to be lonely yet free
And wherever he is is where you need be
You think it prideful to tell him the truth?
But what of not telling? and wasting your youth?
How many lives are wasted in waiting?
Dreams fading and passions abating...

Come now heart, you know it's true
No need denying what you were always meant to do
Oh, is this just a fancy? Convince me if you please
What would you say to him if he was down on his knees?
Would you tell him you're not good enough?
Or that this is just a dream?
You are so sure you know the outcome
But things are never what they seem
What will you do? keep quiet forever?
That's why there's a saying, "It's now or never."

(*thia L

(This was sort of a continued thought from my previous poem... I think most everyone can relate to it, in one way or another... There's no escaping some small taste of unrequited love in this world; how else could God make us realize real, unconditional love is above all others? and His Gift to man... )

"I WILL keep dreaming"

To all those who have loved and missed the moment to share their dreams.
(And, in a more cynical tone, to all those bound in the never ending cycle of affection and infatuation):
"No Happy Ending...That's Fair"
(The title is a work in progress, like the writer, sorry).

I hardly know you,
Yet I feel as if I always have.
I remember the day I met you:
In a crowd, with thoughts so loud
You smiled; I shook your hand
And felt my heart expand.
You were beaming like the sun,
As you smiled at everyone.

I didn't think I'd see you again.
I didn't know why I cared.
But now, a few chance-meetings later,
I'm dreaming dreams I've never dared.
For once I see a glimpse of my future-
What I could have, and I'm not scared.
But I know I'm ill-qualified;
I know I'm underprepared.

And now I'm too late.
There's nothing to share.
You've found your love,
And you don't care.
I barely know you
So that's fair.
How could I even dare
To feel the things I've felt,
To pray the things I pray.

God, so help me, give me strength
To dance another day.
I haven't gone through fire and water
To have my heart break again-
To be where I've already been.
But not my will, but yours be done.
You know best...Maybe this isn't the one.

Maybe I'm too afraid to face the truth
When the truth is good and free.
Maybe truth isn't good enough;
Not when I'm not ready to see.
I forsee the pain and heartache,
But, a happy ending? How can that be?
It's something I just don't forsee.
And the one thing I've always known
Is it's not, and never was, about me.

Don't despair... Some of us actually Do care. No, that's not part of the poem; I rhyme all the time, so get used to it. And there is a happy ending to The romance of all romances... So what more could I ask for? Mmh... I will keep dreaming. "I WILL keep dreaming! I will keep dreaming, my friend! And when I wake up you better hope, you better hope you're... asleep!" Lol, just imagine Ben Stiller's face and the quote is that much better. ;-) love you all, (*thia