Alright, alright...

So, since I was mocked for saying one of my dreams was to stay happily single forever (unless the right person came along, which I just doubt) and then saying another dream was to marry Batman, I have a new and improved dream: to marry someone who has the meaning of the "sun" somewhere in their name... If I could choose, I'd choose last name... so when I marry him it will be in mine as well. You have no idea how amazing this would be... to have my first name be in relation to the moon and the last to the sun. Then we could name our children after stars (and other such celestial beings)! (wow, just kidding; unless he likes the idea, though I'd prefer names like River, Phoenix, Bruce ;-) etc). And God is sitting in heaven shaking His head at me, "Why did I give Cynthia such a creative mind? So full of silly ideas; where am I gonna get a guy with the sun in his name who will actually want to marry her?" That's a good question... Eh, don't worry about it. But just incase you're wondering, I'd rather not have a Phoebes or Apollo... so let's have something non-greek this time. Thankyou. (*thia L.

p.s. In all seriousness , I'd atleast like to keep my last name starting with an L. And if I can't have that I'll settle for something with a Y in it somewhere. I can dream, right?

"Dreams" (read previous post)

Sometimes it seems

I'm alone in my dreams

And all my plans & my schemes

Should go on unsaid

Remain dead in my head
For I have no one with which to share

Because who could truly care?

Some dreams are a vague aspiration

Following a speech of hope & inspiration

Or a sudden revelation in God's creation

Then I remember we all have dreams

No matter what I think, no matter how it seems

Still a nagging voice inside my head,

"Don't think on your dreams. Let them stay dead

They're hopeless dreams, pointless dreams

Forget the free future; focus on present facts instead”
But my heart knows my mind is wrong

My spirit will die if suppressed too long

God put these passions in my being

I want to go on searching and go on seeing

His dreams that are written in the sky

His dreams that are written on the hearts of you and I

To give up those dreams is to lay down and die

Yes, this world is fallen

But God has a plan to redeem

Each and everyone’s dream

Our souls dream of perfection

In a world of pure affection

A place of no pain or shame

Where love replaces fear & blame

Where broken trust & heartaches are forgotten

Where we find lasting peace with God's only begotten

And we’re finally awake in the dreams that we dream

Know that the dreams He dreams for us are bigger than any we’ve ever imagined...

I know, it's terribly written; one of my least favorites. Actually, I really hate it, but people have said the idea's inspiring, so there you go... I should try rewriting it someday. Lol, the line "Then I remember we all have dreams" always reminds me of a quote, "We all wear masks... metaphorically speaking." Well, writers must have atleast one or two works of their own that they detest, right? ;-) That's what "they" say, anyway... (*lunis

A blog inspired by another.

I wrote a poem called "Dreams" a few years ago (3 years)... And it, and a blog by my almost-acquaintance, have helped inspire what I'm about to write; a list of my dreams, of things I'd like to do in life. Obviously that list could go on and on, but here are some of the many things I want to do and can't seem to get off my mind lately:

• Get involved in conceptual art and illustrating.
• Help create and design... art, music, concepts, storline, etc.
• To be a part of small (or large) projects... (books, comic books, film, plays, etc; ask me about the Bed Bregade sometime).
• Be in love with my job and the people I work with, so I give 110 % all the time (if I could, I'd choose a small company of sorts, maybe owned by friends or family)
• Help lead a bible study... lead/help lead worship.
• Go to actual dance classes for a little bit (to see if people who said I am
  gifted were telling me the truth, and to learn)
• Learn to actually read music and not just play it by ear
• Learn to play the guitar
• Learn French, all the way; maybe go to France (and once that's done, hopefully learn
  more languages)
  
• Find a person to read books with (or to) aloud... it's something I grew up
  doing with my family and it feels weird to read things alone now.
• Read the bible through, cover to cover, with someone. It's been too long since the last time...
• See people in person more often... go out for coffee, or browse books,
  movies, etc just so we can talk.
• Start carrying more in my wallet... so I don't have to give those homeless
  people or starving musicians I always notice just whatever I have. (last
  time it was an accordian player at an art festival, and I only had 3 or 4 bucks, maybe 5)
• Pick up a hitch-hiker or homeless guy/girl I pass as I feel the Spirit
  leading me to. I've almost done it before, a few different times, but I
  wasn't the driver so it wasn't my choice.
• Play video games instead of read all the stories and watch them being
  played. I think it's too late for me though. I didn't exactly have the
  opportunity growing up in a foreign country.
  
• Go to more conventions and festivals... of art, comic books, gamers, music, etc.
  
• Be able to give away more than money... food, cars, maybe even a house
  someday. You know, if I'm always single I won't really need the money...
  
• Marry Batman (this kind of goes with the above point; this way I'll have
  plenty of money and things to give away). If I can't get Batman, Christian
  Bale will have to do.
  
• Live in the woods again. maybe near a mountain?
  
• Have wooden floors in some part of my house... it'd be nice in the kitchen
  I've always wanted. With the smoke screen (I saw one- japanese paintings and everything- at Valueland), low table, and everything japanese. A bonsai tree would be great but if I can't have that... a cherry tree (outside or inside? not sure).
• Be the friend everyone knows will stick around through all phases of life and will show up at all graduation, wedding, birthday, funeral... events, and will always be around inbetween. (You know, the random person your kids will love because I always show up with some gifts, goodies, or money).
  
• If I'm lucky, settle down in a house I had built, like my uncle and aunt did and my parents were doing... once upon a time
  
• Stay happily single forever, unless God finds someone to love me for all that makes me me and teaches me how to fall in love again; but I'm not looking for it.
  
• Have kids (and if I never marry; adopt; actually I might adopt as well anyway)
  
• Help in orphanages, homeless shelters, any outreach here or overseas. (Maybe open my house up to people who need a place to stay sometimes; we did it in Brazil and my uncle and aunt do it in Florida alot).
• Have my own black and white dogs. One black and one white. I haven't forgotten this dream since I saw a white wolf being walked on the beach in Fortaleza and the man said he'd had a black one once. Take a look at these two pictures... :-)
  http://www.scriptsjoint.com/watermark/samplewatermarkimages/xwm_blackWolf.jpg
  http://www.artofwolves.com/cwc-white-wolf.jpg

A lynx would be fun too. ;-)

• Go back to Anna Maria island in Florida to see the dolphins I watched from the shore as a kid and get a closer look now.

If I think of a few more hopes and dreams, I might add to the list...

I didn't really like my poem "Dreams" but I will share it in my next entry... (*the moon

I found them...my thoughts from the last few nights.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to tell me what to do with my life... Or, that God would just come out and say what He wants me to do. My sister is married and had a kid, my other sister will soon be getting married (well, engaged anyway), and all I can think about is what am I supposed to be doing (that is, after I just think about how blessed I am to have them and how God has answered my every prayer for them). I really don't feel the need for a guy in my life... (I have plenty of guy friends, but you know what I mean). If God wanted to bless me with one, I'd still be happy, very happy, but right now my question is more like... Since I am not sharing my life with anyone soon, what should I do with myself? Should I go to college? And what kind? where? when? what major? Lately all that comes to me is music. But I can't even read a bloody note! Well, I can... one or two. I play most everything by ear. And then I get the feeling I'm also supposed to be involved in other arts... drama, dancing, behind stage work, etc. I've never had the opportunity before, so I think it's too late. You kinda need to grow up with that stuff to be any good with it. I like to say, "It's never too late" but I'm beginning to think the concept doesn't apply to me and my situation right now. But music and almost all forms of art are my only real passions. I've tried to ignore that, but I can't... I'm good with children, so I thought of going into education or... something. But I'd hate to be a teacher... unless it was of some form of art. Lol. Oh, God, I'm hopeless! And it feels like it's from you, this desire welling up inside me... I feel like it's torture though, God; I can't do this! I can't randomly decide I'm going to learn music and theater and... whatever else, especially when I'm not sure it's You. There has to be some way You can show me this is where You're leading me. Meanwhile, I'm still here, waiting and praying. (*me

Didn't get around to writing my thoughts last night, but here are tonight's

Do you know... when you love someone you can't stop thinking and talking of them? (And if that's not the case with the person you're dating or engaged to right now, you've got to ask yourself... what are you doing?) Alright, so I was thinking this today and realizing how true it is... when suddenly a thought hit me. I'd like to think God comes into my mind every second of every day... The truth is it's been about every other minute lately. But my thought was this, God loves me so much more perfectly and completely than I could ever try to love Him, and He must talk about me, you, everyone, constantly; think about us, dream about us, sing about us, etc. And when I say constantly, I mean constantly... the uncharted, endless particles that make up eternity. And no doubt He talks to Himself. (Come on, don't tell me you've never held a conversation with yourself about the person you love... trying to reason it, or any other passion, out; And He has more right to hold conversations with himself since he's 3 persons in one). I can just imagine him... "Do you know what ___ learned today? and I was right there, watching, wanting him to know I'd help him work it out and am proud of him for facing it." "_____ heard me so clear last night... And she wanted to just be done and be with me. And I wanted to just pull her in and tell her I loved her. She felt it. But it's not her time... She's got so much more to do. I'm with her, but she’ll have to wait to be with me." The angels smile as He goes on and on... They've heard so much about the billions of us that they probably can't wait to meet us. Obviously some do meet some of us. But, it's true, isn't it? When you're so excited about someone (or even something), it infects those around you. When someone talks about a loved one, I can't wait to meet them (him or her, grammatically speaking)... If I could, I'd meet every family and best friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc, of my every friend/ acquaintance/ almost-acquaintance. I suppose this is why you can find me at random open houses, birthday parties of people I barely know, weddings, and family get-togethers. (But then, I also love to watch, read, eat, listen to... anything anyone is passionately excited about). Sorry, I know this has turned into another one of my confusing, past-midnight rants... I guess my point is, that we need to share more- our loves, our dreams, our desires, passions, disappointments, failures, and on and on- so they can join with others' hopes, loves, (favorite movies), etc. I might be speaking to myself more than anyone, but we can't keep assuming no one really wants to know what we're thinking, what or who we love, what we're passionate about, or even what our simple and honest opinions are. Like, how do you really like your eggs? (Sorry, movie reference...). I'm done. If you read this, I hope you got one single thought's worth out of it. I love you. Yes, you, whoever you are. (*the moon

Another old song/poem

This is Your Time june 11 2007

It's late Friday night
And I turn on the light
I can't sleep
I'm drawn to the balcony
The noises they beckon me
It's been a long week

There's a man walking his dog
No jacket in the middle of the fog
It's an empty street
He looks at the sky
I can hear him sigh
Breathe deep, and weep

"well, is there a God?
How far is that star?
And is heaven where you are?

Oh, give me a sign
Is there any reason or rhyme?
Or are we all out of time?"

There's a girl holding her baby
Is it crying loud? well maybe
The windows shut
She's pretty upset
But she's doing her best
To calm it

I can tell she's ready to shake it
Maybe she just can't take it
But she stops
Cause she remembers her mother did the same
And that's when her sister became... lame
And she sobs

"well, is there a God?
How far is that star?
And is heaven where you are?

Oh, give me a sign
Is there a reason and rhyme?
Or are we all out of time?"

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel I'm in
Give me a glimpse to hold onto
I feel like the world is engulfed in this "sin"
And I need something to run to

Can it be you?

It's never too late to ask the questions
It's never too late to learn from your mistakes
It's never too late to take suggestions
It's never too late to care, for all our sakes

Well, yes, there is a God
Much closer than a star
And heaven isn't that far

Maybe this is His sign
Forgive me the imperfect rhyme
But He wants you to know, this is your time